7:13 p.m. - 2008-05-20
In which I have commited a very amusing act of internet infidelity
Okay, this internet world is something that I am becoming more and more involved in as I am a curious person, and I have a computer at home that actually works now. However, there are still plenty of areas where I am new to the etiquette and find some things a moral gray area.
I figured that since I can, I decided to check out some of the online communities that are out there, and gosh, there are so many. I happened to find one where the participants are very diverse but very welcoming and tight-knit. Over the past few months, I have become online friends with many of the members.
Now, there is complete anonymity. We do not use our real names, and the only information we have about each other is what we chose to share. It feels safer that way and there are rules against sharing too much. As far as I know, none of these people have ever met in person.
However, there are plenty of things I have learned about my friends, and for the most part I think there is a fair amount of honesty. At any given time I could be talking to a Wiccan woman from North Carolina, a mom from South Dakota, a 12 year old home schooled Christian girl from Washington, or an appliance repairman from Texas. Each of these people also seem to genuinely care about each other and have formed little cliques and online �sisterships� and there are even online �relationships� that have led to online �marriages.�
I use the quotes here as I do not know how valid I consider these relationships. They all seem real enough to honor them while online, but where does that line end. Does it end when the computer is off?
This is the dilemma I find myself pondering. I have found myself in the middle of an online love triangle. How do I manage to let these things happen to me?
Anyway, I have to first say that I am not in love. I am just the woman in the middle. In fact, I have been looking at the situation as amusing. What I find myself wondering, though, is am I being fair? Am I discarding other people�s feelings for my own fun?
I don�t even know if I feel if or how I should be judged for my recent behavior.
Here�s the story:
One of my online friends is a very young girl. She is under age and from New York, and is very precocious. I feel very protective of her most of the time, and love her energy and enthusiasm for life. She is in an online relationship with a guy online who is 21 and in Northern California. My first reaction, as is most people�s is one of concern for her well-being. However, said boy is very respectful of her age, and has been told, in no uncertain times, by myself and everyone else that if he does anything untoward he will be crucified.
Boy claims he loves girl more than anything and has professed his desire to wait for her to become legal and then marry her in real life. She has said that she really loves him as well and that she is not at all uncomfortable by the relationship. They got �married� online two weeks ago.
How do I enter the equation? I was present at the online �nuptials�, which was very strange I might add, and served as Maid of Honor. I found the whole thing very entertaining. I did not know such things happened. I have served as sort of an elder counselor and sounding board for both parties. They have both come to me on several occasions to ask how to deal with life and each other.
The problem started the other night. I was on late, as I am an insomniac and tend to go online when I can�t sleep. The young girl in question had long gone to sleep, and I found myself talking to the guy. He confessed to me that he was frustrated by their physical distance and that he loves the girl but will probably not meet her in person for years, if ever. He also confessed that he does not have much luck in love, and is currently in possession of his �innocence�. His words, not mine.
The conversation eventually turned to him asking my advice on how to treat women, and then turned further towards the inevitable topic of sex. I was happy to help out on the topic, in whatever honesty and experience I had to offer. He was very grateful, deferential to my opinions, and very flattering to me as a woman.
I think you can guess what happened�we ended up flirting and things got a little more specific. I guess you could say I gave him a very detailed online tutorial.
Then�well then we had to decide what it all means. He started freaking out that he had cheated on his online �wife�, but at the same time was very pleased with what had happened.
I told him that we could a) pretend it never happened b) tell the girl and deal with the fallout or c) act like adults and just keep it between us without making a big deal of it. Fortunately, he said that he would never forget what had happened because it was his first time, online or otherwise. He wanted to make sure that I was okay with the whole thing. Finally, he wanted to make sure that no one else would ever know.
As for me, I am still trying to negotiate my own feelings about the whole thing. For the most part, I am, again, amused. The whole thing strikes me as a bit humorous. I did not go looking for this and find it funny to be having to think about this at all. I can�t decide if I am a big nerd for having internet friends. I feel slightly honored to have been a part of this guy�s sexual education. I feel a bit guilty at having deceived in some aspect the trust of the girl.
The more I ponder it I wonder what other people will think about it. Have I committed an unforgivable act of betrayal? I did what I did because we were both consulting adults, which the girl is not. I have no designs on this guy�s affection, and think of him only as a friend. Can you betray someone you have never met? As none of us know each other in real life, so do our actions hold the same weight? I feel that I would never have done in real life what I can do under the anonymity of the internet. Isn�t that half the point of the internet that one can live out fantasies in the safety of their own homes without having to deal with the consequences the same actions would hold in real life. Have I broken some code of etiquette of the internet? Probably. If the other people in the online community found out about this, I do not know if they would be happy that this guy was acting out his sexual curiosity with me instead of the girl or would banish me for being the other woman.
All I can say right now is that I have talked to both of them since and I am remaining cool. I am not treating her any different than before, but did keep my distance from them as they were together when I was on. I had a few side conversations with him. He is flip flopping between pride and devastation. I was supportive on both counts. I can�t help it, I am a flirt myself, but I am concerned for both of their feelings.
The funniest part of the whole thing is that I will have to wait a few days to see what happens because my account on the community has been suspended. I think it may have been for inappropriate language, oops. I can only sit back now and wonder if his has too, and if it has, how he is going to explain it. I say that I have been very busy with work stuff, so I have not had a chance to log on for a few days. Can you keep a secret?
0 comments
�
�
