11:29 a.m. - 2007-10-26
In which the full moon promotes evil suburbanites and mayhem
Now I mentioned at the end of yesterday�s post that things were getting strange. I swear to you that I knew it was a full moon long before I saw it. Yesterday was like something out of a movie.
Can you picture it? It�s a full moon. It�s October. Halloween is right around the corner. At first things just seem a little off. Then things just get crazier and crazier as the day goes on�.
So I mentioned the ceiling collapsing on the nice married couple upstairs that never really collapsed. They were just the tip of the iceberg. The story I am about to tell you has a more frightening villain than any Stephen King novel. It is more terrifying than Saw. It involves�.Parents from the suburbs who go to extreme lengths to teach their children how not to deal with the real world!!!!!!!!
It all started several weeks ago about a week after the girls moved in. They reported that there were bugs in the apartment. It�s the city and these things happen, so I sent my engineer up to spray. They kept calling, so I kept sending people up there. All told, my engineer has been there four times by himself and my professional outside exterminator has been there three times. On none of these occasions has any evidence of any living creature or critter been found in their apartment.
Now they are claiming that one of the roommates is allergic to cockroaches, and since their apartment is infested with them, they should be let out of their lease. I can�t let them out of their lease for something that is not happening, and have told them I would help them sublet.
Apparently, subletting is too much work, but calling me three times a day is not. Harassing my night staff and demanding that they let them out of the lease is not too much work. Calling the freakin� alderman about this issue (who, by the way, has sided with us) is not too much work. Having parents of both girls call me and yelling at me is not too much work.
It got weirder yesterday. One girl and her mother came in late morning to my office. They demanded to speak to the manager, who was not here. As assistant manager, I was willing to listen and try to talk some reason into them again. This time, the mother just went off the deep end. She told me that I was doing nothing about this problem and that they had �roach shit all over the apartment.� She asked me what would happen if someone died in the apartment due to anaphylactic shock from a roach bite. Again, I have never heard of this happening. I told her if she really wanted to prove to me that there are bugs in the apartment to bring me one in a bag. After yelling at me a few more times, she stormed off to bring me the bug.
I did not hear from her for another few hours. When the other roommate called during this time, I told her that I had told the mom to bring me a bug. Since she had not come back with one right away, I was assuming there were none to bring me.
Much later she comes back to the office with a few plastic baggies and is wearing plastic gloves. She shoves them at me and demands that I admit that there are bugs in the bags. I could not deny that, but I asked her why it took her so long to find me evidence if it was all over the place? I also asked her to leave the baggies with me so I that I could show the evidence to other people. She snatched her baggies back and said �she was keeping the evidence.� Then she ran off with her baggies and gloves and left me alone.
Twenty minutes later my engineer from that building came to see me. He was concerned about a situation he had just had. He found the mother of one of the residents on her hands and knees. He saw her on the ground and ran out thinking she had fallen. It turns out that she was on her hands and knees crawling around under the dumpsters looking for bugs! He asked her if this was what she had meant by finding bugs in the apartment. She insisted that if there are bugs in the garbage six floors below her daughter, there must be some in the apartment. So, she would rather crawl through filth to collect roaches than to help her daughter sublet an apartment so she can move back to the bug free suburbs.
After that, the guy calling from one of the other buildings and screaming at me was nothing. His windows were replaced and they had not finished the wall around the window. He was ranting that the insulation was showing and the brick was crumbling, and if that wasn�t a fucking emergency, what was? I tried to give him the number of his management office three times and then just hung up. I may not be allowed to yell back, but I can hang up.
My ride was two hours late because he got stuck in traffic. I finally went home to watch �Grey�s Anatomy� and pass out.
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