12:57 p.m. - 2008-01-28
In which there are no fatalities but there are glow-in-the dark drinks and doberman pinchers

I have returned from the frozen North. Of course, I told my friend this, and she asked if I had been in Minnesota. No, not Minnesota. There is plenty of drunken debauchery for me to get up to in Green Bay, and I did.

I�ll admit that I was a bit nervous meeting up with Trance at union Station on Thursday afternoon. I had never met her before and was going off a pic I had seen on her blog. I knew that see has trouble seeing and some health problem that causes her to pass out randomly. She informed me of all of this and let me know that if she does pass out to wait a few minutes and she�ll come to, but to not call 911. Fortunately, none of this was an issue. We met, caught the train, found Poppy and at no time was any consciousness lost during the entire ride up, which is good because I did not want to be arrested for involuntary manslaughter or something when I was found standing over a passed out waiting for her to come back.

Friday morning was spa day! For 90 minutes I got the hell beat out of me by a lovely lady. I nearly fell asleep when I was face down. Of course then I had to turn over and my sinuses got all cloggy and I got a case of the jimmy leg. It was all worth it, though. I felt much better except for the bruises on my back. Have I mentioned that I am a very tense person?

By Friday night the entire group had gathered, and it was off to the sleigh ride. Literally, it was a freakin� winter wonderland. I had so many layers of clothes on that I could barely move my arms, but it was beautiful. Everything was covered in snow and there was more coming down. It was so cold that I actually consented to drinking �the Doctor,� which for those who don�t know, is a peppermint schnapps drink that comes in a huge bottle and tastes like liquid candy canes. We had several bottles of the stuff on the sleigh with us and someone put glow sticks in them so we could see them in the dark. So, we had two white horse pulling the sleigh, a well portioned cowboy driving the sleigh, snow covering a bunch of rowdy friends, and glow-in-the-dark booze being passed around. Can you ask for a more majestic sight?

Saturday in town there was a �winter festival� of sorts. It was mostly just about a dozen ice cravers working their trade on the sidewalks of Green Bay. Poppy, and I had met up with Nonk on her way out of the hotel, so the three of us had lunch and did �the tour�. I have to say the most interesting things we saw was a chili-man trying to pick up one of the ice carvers by offering her chili. That�s sexy. Then, we saw two disgruntled alpacas having prison sex. They were both boys, but the pressure of being poked at by a bunch of Wisconsinites in a tiny pen drove them to bad bad things.

Later, the entire group went out for dinner to celebrate Meat-a-con we went to one of those restaurants where you can grill your own meat. It was all too much for me, so I stuck to the salad bar and backed potatoes. My vegetarian reform has not reached a place where raw meat on a communal grill is a good thing yet. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves, though.

From dinner it was on to the Bad Bar. Oh my god, I do love that place. The owners and barstaff are known for being the hottest in Wisconsin. They treat us like royalty. I can not even tell you how many drinks I had. There were shots involved as well. Shots were celebrated by the Ladies. Then after the vibrator races, yes, I said vibrator races. Then, just because they liked us. By the end of the night I was asked nicely by our hostess to thank the owner by showing him a boob. Of course, I had to say yes. He then thanked me by having me feel his �chubby�. In the meantime, I danced and sang and watched my fellow conventioneers doing very naughty things. At one point I remember sing very loudly to �Pour Some Sugar On Me� and proclaiming that �Sweet Child O Mine� had to be next. Funny enough, it was. My psychic powers were an amazement to everyone present. Then I was dragged back to the hotel were I took a shower and crashed hard.

Sunday morning we arose to the harsh reality of what we had done to ourselves on Saturday night. After hastily packing, we threw our things back into the rantmobile and headed off with the group to a very well deserved greasy lunch. I swear the hamburgers at this place have a grease ring around the buns an inch thick. I stuck with a chicken sandwich, but had to share an order of fried cheese curds. Now that is Wisconsin goodness.

We said good-bye to the big group and headed back on the highway towards home. We were in charge of getting the Utah contingent on the right path to Chicago to catch their plane out of O�hare. The GPS in the rantmobile got confused a couple of times and threw us in the wrong direction causing us to have to u-turn and me to call the other car to let them know what was happening. At one point we pulled into a driveway of a house in the middle of nowhere and all of a sudden three Doberman pinchers come running at the car. Poppy screamed and the other car was laughing at us hysterically. Fortunately, no one or dog was hurt, but our nerves were rattled.

Finally, after getting on the right road, I called the other car to let them know it was a straight shot on to Chicago. They passed us at full zoon, cackled into the phone, and then left us in their dust. We carried on to the Mars Cheese Castle to pick up gifties for the workies.

I did not get to go straight home because Poppy and I had belly dancing rehearsal last night, I have a rant about certain people there, but I will save that for another time. For now, I shall suffice to say that Green Bay was a jolly good time.

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