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1:58 a.m. - 2008-03-03
In which my hard outer shell is cracked

Warning: Whining Alert

I had been waiting for resolution to any number of he problems plaguing me before I wrote again. Unfortunately, there seems to be no end in sight for my drama, so I am now just writing to try and make sense of some of it.

As many of you know, Torque came back through Chicago this week. Last Monday, it sounded like wine and roses were coming my way. I was uncommonly happy and completely racked with anticipation. I dyed my hair. I finally got a decent hairstyle even if I have to wear a hat for the next few weeks. I�m just saying that things were shaved that have not been shaved in awhile because the weather has not really made it a necessity. I�ll leave the rest to your imagination.

The problem is that he never really knows how long he�s going to be in any one place and when he is back in town, he has so much he has to keep up with. I get it. I also was quite content with the text messaging and waiting until Mid-April because that is what I was expecting. Now, being told that I was in for surprises this week, I got all worked up.

It never panned out. Our schedules are completely different. The idea of us getting together seemed to be much more real than the actual act. After much texting and working ourselves up into a frenzy, we both kind of wussed out. We both hesitated at the wrong times. We could just not get it together. Our grand plans flittered away into nothing. It ended with him sating that since he was heading out again today that he could not make our night what he would love to give me. What�s that?

He seems to think that everything is fine and we�ll just pick it up and relax and everything will be great. I just don�t see how this is going to work. I love the idea of him, but I don�t see how we are ever going to make this a reality. Besides, I still have the feeling that things are not as wonderful as he seems to think they are if we were ever to see each other in person anyway.

I have to admit, I�m crushed. I am really hoping this wave of depression that keeps sweeping over me can be chalked up to hormones and a passing of the monthly moon cycles as it were. I hope a good nights sleep will clear my head and I can go back to bitching about how the Ken Doll is running my job. Trust me, there is a story there to, but for now I digress. I shall resume my moping and I am glad for my people. Feel free to comment on how much I need to delete his number from my cell phone or tell me that I am an idiot or whatever.


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